He has to go

Hate makes David Cook tear up his usual rule book on BB evictions

Memo to the Big Brother contestants: saying ‘he/she/it is playing the game’ is a rubbish reason for nominating someone. IT IS A FUCKING GAME YOU FUCKING FUCKING MORONS.

Anyway, let’s take a look at this week’s nominees...

Lea: What’s the point of Lea, really? She’s got a face that looks as if ET went to a plastic surgeon clutching a picture of Donnatella Versace and said ‘that, please,’ and, other than accidentally giving Glyn morning wood every day, she doesn’t actually do much other than peer over the top of her breasts and complain about everyone else. Mind you, given the people she’s in there with, you can’t really blame her.

Richard: Most people in the house hate Richard, because he’s got the audacity to talk to everyone and be friendly, rather than segregating himself into a group of whispering backstabbers (like the less-than-awesome foursome of Sezer, Imogen, Grace and Pikey). In actual fact, he seems… well, not nice exactly, but certainly more tolerable than most of his inmates. But please, man – take that bloody hat off.

Sezer: The worst human being who ever lived ever. Although ordinarily the best thing is for the most hated potential evictee to survive (because they make better TV than a dullard), in this case the reverse is true. This is partly because, having said that he’d easily survive an eviction contest against Lea, the look on his smug weaselly little face were he to be booted out would be priceless. It’s also because if I have to watch him for much longer, I might have to kick my television in and I can’t afford to buy a new one. Evict him, please. And then shoot him in the face.

Incidentally, BB’s only been on for a fortnight but it already feels like about seven years. Still, only another eleven weeks to go…