Grace under fire

He's thicker than a tar milkshake, but Glyn might just win it says David Cook

They didn’t nominate Grace. Jesus, what’s wrong with them? This is a woman so awful, so up herself, that she’d glance at Aisleyne and then say, "Well, I think most men prefer a classical beauty," clearly meaning herself and desperate for everyone to agree. Word to the wise, Grace – you ain’t no Marilyn Monroe. You’re barely a Marilyn Manson.

Anyway, the level of bitch-fighting doesn’t appear to appreciably declined since Sezer’s departure – if anything, it’s escalated, and it’s mainly aimed at Sam because s/he’s "too nice". And there’s no space for niceness in the Big Brother house – if you’re not a manipulative, backstabbing little stoat, you’ll struggle to fit in. Notice how quiet Pete’s suddenly become, aside from his usual variety of clicks and whistles? That’s because he’s finally realised how little he’s got in common with everyone else, and even the solace of being smothered by Lea’s bongos every day does little to ease the pain.

Because of Pete’s decline, Channel 4 have decided to elevate Glyn – the pipe-cleaner – and try to make him appear like a viable winner. They’ve gone for a two-way approach on this – firstly, they’re making him look like the classic amiable buffoon and secondly they’re (and I’m not sure how this is supposed to make him look likeable, it’s more, well, terrifying) by presenting him as a massive pervert. C4 delights in broadcasting shots of his face looking scared-yet-entranced every time one of the girls, usually Lea, flashes their tits or ass and he never seems to stop talking about shagging these days. This means his conversations generally run along the lines of, "Durrr! I can’t even boil an egg! Durrr! Ooh, I’d like to pork Lea! Phwoaaarrrr! What is an egg anyway? Did you know I’m a lifeguard? Durrr. Tits!"

Hell, who wouldn’t vote for that?